This ones for you

Dear squid,

As it turns out, I'm not really over this as much as I thought. This is the last time I will write about you. It's so bottled up within that I need to get it out. The following are little thoughts that patrol my mind, and need to be released.

I miss all your little quirks, idiosyncrasies and nuances, I felt only I could see. A little world which surrounded you, that gave and still does give me great joy.

I miss the little sounds you'd make and movements with your hand, like 'owa owa' which I don't know what it means, but it made me laugh.

I miss the little head bobs, and oscillations of your voice. The weird sucking sound you'd make and your little ears when you smiled.

I miss your view on buildings and things as we roamed the streets.

I miss you putting your hand in my big jacket pockets as we walked.

I miss you leaning on me as you skated.

I miss seeing those big gorgeous eyebrows, dance around.

I miss the way you would squirm when I held you.

I miss the back and forth we used to have, the way we'd pick up on each other without saying a word. The third brain is still there, somewhere.

I'm sorry that one time when we were observing the 'should-be' communist pigeons being attacked by the youth, I didn't want to go for a longer walk. I know you did, you were inside all day, and all I wanted to do was go back to yours.

I'm sorry that one time we were watching that cool anime movie I was passing out half-way. Truth is, I smoked too much weed that evening and was losing interest and was getting tired. I compromised a moment for nothing but a plant.

I'm sorry that we never did get to see a drive-thru movie. There was ample opportunity, and I know oh how bad you wanted to, but we never did.

I'm sorry we never watched a true horror film like you always wanted. Instead opting for the less scary, still fucked up film about someone holding someone else against their will.

I'm sorry I stopped paying attention, and didn't listen. I want you to tell me all about your rings again, and their individual stories. The family tree and all. I want to know more about you and your views on the world. I know there was so much to tell. I just want to get to know you better.

I think I killed this with my own self-interest, and co-dependance issues. I'm not sure if the time wasn't right, or that covid never fully allowed us to blossom and truly get to know each other. But I thought that times like this could bring us closer together. Maybe I was wrong.

You will be okay. And so will I, eventually.

Now & forever my favourite lil squid,
Oskar with a k